No ones perfect

Lately I have made some mistakes. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years then he went into the army and it changed him. When he came home for leave he would want to be physical with me then when I left I did not exist. I found out he was texting a girl he met at boot camp. He was sending pictures of himself shirtless and talking with her until 5 am after hanging up with me around 1 or 2 am saying he needed sleep. He was calling her cute and ignoring me for her and despite all of this I decided to give him a second chance. He had told me he was hearing rumors about me that I was cheating and this made me angry he trusted rumors instead of talking to me. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 8 years and we’ve been dating for the past 2. I was planning to marry him, trying to figure out dates everything else was planned, and this whole cheating thing had me so thrown for a loop. I couldn’t talk to him either because he was back to AIT with no phone, so I couldn’t talk to him about how much pain I was in. I was questioning whether or not this relationship was right for me anymore because I never expected my best friend to do this to me. It made me think about how young I am and whether or not it was all worth it. While hurting I made out with another guy and I felt so horrible but I was afraid if I told him that he’d leave me. A couple weeks later I went out of state attended his graduation and everything was magical. We started to go back to normal and we were thinking about each other again and having fun together. I didn’t know after he cheated I could feel that way with him again. Then everything about me making out with that guy came out and he broke things off. I thought that maybe since I gave him a second chance he would give me one but he didn’t and now things are over. No one has ever made me feel so loved as he did and I’m so scared that maybe I never will. He’s not just my boyfriend he’s truly my best friend and I’ve lost both because I couldn’t deal with my emotions right. I wish I could explain to him that I would never make this mistake again and I only ever want to be with him. I wish I could change his mind, but I know it’s hard for him to believe anything I say right now. He’s going over seas in a week and I just want to see him. I know I messed up but we both made mistakes and I wish he saw the potential we have like I do. I’m heartbroken but I hope that he can find happiness where he’s going and I hope that he always remembers what he have. I will always love him no matter what.

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